We want to start off by saying that we’re so sorry for your loss. At Mixbook, we know how special loved ones are and just how much relationships matter.

Sharing touching, personal words about a lost family member or friend is one of the greatest gifts you can give to a person after they’ve left this world. Your thoughts and memories can also support others in celebrating a life well-lived.

Standard Eulogy Outline

Create an outline that works for your intended eulogy structure. Here’s a sample outline of what generally works well for a eulogy:

Intro – Introduce yourself and how you’re connected.

Thanks/Condolences – Thank guests for attending and share condolences.

Character Building – Share beloved traits, hobbies, religiousness, family bonds, etc.

Memories – Deliver uplifting or amusing anecdotes and mention key family members as appropriate.

Early Memories
Midlife Memories
Funny Moment (optional)
Recent Memories

Conclusion: Positive Emotional Appeal – Share comforting words and positive intentions to keep the family close at heart.

Review eulogy examples and funeral speech samples for inspiration.

How to Write a Eulogy

Start by privately reflecting on the person you’ve lost and your relationship with them. Look back on your fondest memories and who they were as a person. Take notes with each thought on its own line, and build the rest from there. Give yourself some grace – it may take time, but the eulogy will come to you.

Find a Private Space, and Reflect

Give yourself some time to feel your emotions and collect favorite memories to share. Then, In a private space, focus all your thoughts and feelings on the person. Take notes on anything that comes to mind.

Reflect on the person in other ways, too:

View photo albums/digital photos
Reread letters, postcards, and emails
Visit their social media pages
Think of their personality and hobbies

Don’t be frustrated if the memories don’t come right away. Instead, try these questions to help you pull some memories and special tidbits about a lost friend or loved one.

What’s the most fun time I remember with this person?
How did this person help me in a time of need?
What did I learn from them?
What were they known for?
What made this person unique?
How did they change my life?

Organize Your Favorite Memories

Organize your memories, so they transition easily. You might not use all of them, but you can highlight your favorites once you collect your thoughts. Create a flow and transition the memories to where they make sense.

You may find a key theme when writing the eulogy. This can serve as a way to tie all your memories together. Some examples may include “food is love” when remembering the family's beloved matriarch or a person being the “glue that holds the family together.” Talk about your key idea at the beginning of the eulogy, and then come full circle to wrap it up toward the closing.

Things to Consider While Writing Your Eulogy

What should you not say in a eulogy?

Keep your memories positive in a eulogy speech. Even if some personal challenges arose with the person, leave those out and focus on the good. In a eulogy, do not say anything about the person’s cause of death, grudges and old grievances, arguments, character flaws, family rifts, or negative memories. Instead, share good memories and leave it out when in doubt.

Recognize Important Family Members

Unite the family with closely-knit stories that bring others into your eulogy writing. Share memories that include the children, spouse, or other relatives of the dearly departed. Speak directly to or about those people calling them by name, for example, Uncle Bob.

Inject Some Gentle Humor

If you feel inclined to share a funny story or a subtle, amusing joke, decide if it’s appropriate for the audience, and if so, embrace it. As long as the funny bit ties nicely into positive sentiments, poke fun at your favorite uncle or spouse to elicit a few laughs while complimenting your lost loved one. Delivering a eulogy is much easier when you can feel the support radiating around you.

Let It Breathe

Leave a little time for the dust to settle, and then reread your eulogy. After some time away from it, you may have a fresh perspective on how it reads. Revise as needed to come up with a polished eulogy.

Do a Practice Run-through

After you’ve got a final draft, practice reading the eulogy – use a timer to track how long it takes you. Allow yourself to go off-script if you’re comfortable doing so. Practice eye contact with invisible loved ones. Aim to spend five minutes or less in most cases or longer if you feel it suits your needs.

Sharing a Funeral Speech

Now that you know how to write a eulogy, you can start thinking about the delivery of your remembrance speech. Here are some tips on delivering your eulogy:

Don’t rush. Speak slowly and deliberately.
Watch your tone. Change the inflection of your voice to match the sentiment.
Look up. Look at the guests as you speak.
Ask for help. When in doubt, keep one of your close friends or family members next to you to help out if you get stuck.
Above all, breathe.

Embracing and Sharing Memories

While taking a breather as you work on your eulogy, immerse yourself in photos and memories. Put together some tribute photo books, poster boards, or photo slideshows to share with the audience after your speech, keeping your loved one’s memory beautifully alive.

Closing Thoughts

If nothing seems organized or fits just right, don’t worry. You’ve got this, and your loved ones have got you. The heartfelt words you share during a memorial service or funeral luncheon bring your family members closer together as they sort out their feelings and recall their memories. Likewise, a well-written eulogy makes more distant acquaintances feel even closer to the deceased.

Your words speak volumes about your love for that particular person smiling down from above. No matter what you write and share, it will all work out because you’re coming from a place of love.